(This video chapter begins at 15:26 and ends at 16:39. Click on the 15:26 timestamp to play the video for this module.)

Additional Tools

To help wrap up this workshop, we would like to share some additional tools that can help you resolve conflicts.

Our focus quote for this module:

“You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.”- Indira Gandhi

Stress & Anger Management Techniques 

There is no doubt about it – dealing with conflict can be hard on the mind and the body. Being well equipped with some stress and anger management techniques can help you stay calm during the conflict resolution process. Nothing is going to get solved when either (or both) parties are angry and upset.

Here are some tips to help keep you cool during the conflict resolution process.

• Deep breathing has beneficial mental and physical effects.
• Coping thoughts can help you stay calm, too. Some examples: “I feel like he is just trying to push my buttons. I’m stronger than that!” or, “I’m not going to let myself get upset – that won’t solve anything. Instead, I am going to focus on getting this conflict solved.”
• Make sure to take breaks as needed. If the person you are in conflict with becomes emotional or stressed, encourage them to take breaks as well.
• After the conflict is over, talk about it with someone appropriate.

The Agreement Frame 

The  Agreement Frame can be used in any situation to explain your viewpoint in an assertive, non-confrontational way, without watering your position down. It is designed to encourage discussion and information sharing between all parties. Although it can be used in many situations, it is particularly effective in conflict resolution.

The Agreement Frame takes one of three forms:

• I appreciate, and…
• I respect, and…
• I agree, and…

Remember, the words “but” and “however” are conversation-stoppers. Try to avoid using them with the agreement frame.

Asking Open Questions 

When possible, use the five W’s or the H to ask a question.

• Who?
• What?
• Where?
• When?
• Why?
• How?

These questions encourage discussion, self-evaluation, and open conversation. Some useful questions for conflict resolution include:

• What happened?
• Why do you feel that way?
• When did this problem start?
• How does that make you feel?
• Who else is involved?

Practical Illustration 

Nancy knew Raymond had a problem with stress. Raymond carried stress like a monkey on his back. Nancy understood that if she allowed her coworker to continue ignoring the real problem, Raymond would back himself into a corner. Nancy decided the time had come to step in and try to help instead of letting Raymond wind up with a stress injury. Nancy told Raymond that he needed a break and that a brisk walk around the office might clear his head. Raymond was nonplussed about the suggestion, but agreed. After a few laps around the office, Raymond’s head felt clearer and he had more energy. Nancy gave him the push he needed to get more done, minus the headaches.